Instead
I didn’t really know how to start this post and it’s going to be a long one so I don’t expect anyone to read it. I have a lot of different ideas and thoughts bouncing around in my head that need to find their way out and so blogging has become my cathartic mechanism of choice. I have been trying more intentionally to reflect upon my life and see how God has led me through this season so far.
-Once I graduated I had planned my steps accordingly to take me right off of the CBU campus and quickly into a job where I could become financially independent, use my degree, and practice some kind of psychology without any problem or delay. Instead, the only job I could find was a supervision/yard aide at my mothers previous middle school, making $9.00 and hour, working 3 hours a day, not using my degree, not practicing psychology, and definitely not becoming financially independent. But in return I learned to wait for the Lord. In return I made friendships with Devin and Marissa that I would not trade for that job that I had wanted right out of college, or that job I could use my degree in, or that job where I could become financially independent in. In return I was able to talk with them about Christ and how much He loves them. In return I received assurance that even though I thought I was just waiting for something better, the Lord had other, better, plans for me, right. where. I. was.
-I had also applied to grad school so that I could immediately start working on my masters in Applied Behavior Analysis. Ideally I would have started in the fall while working my financial independence supporting job, and prospectively graduating within 2 years. Instead, I didn’t get into the program. I was rejected. Door closed. Path redirected. But just a day before I received the disappointingly tiny envelope, I got my first phone call in response to my application requesting an interview. I ended up getting that job, where I work close to home, using my degree, practicing psychology, still not financially independent but working towards it.
Then I got another part time job home teaching Russell the gangster, which payed amazing, and I actually enjoyed a lot more than I thought. Instead, that ended abruptly this morning as he has been sent to Olive Crest. But a couple hours later I received a call from the district to schedule an interview for a full time position as a behavior therapist.
And lastly there have been some concerns as to my health. Instead of being afraid I feel peacefully fearless. It’s not serious but it has forced me to depend on God instead of myself or other people. This season has required me to cast my cares upon Him. It has demanded me to turn to Him first.
This past month has been of paramount growth for me and the sovereignty and perfect direction of the Lord has lead me to deeper understand and trust in Him.
Prov 16.9 The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.
This is John Wesley’s translation/notes on the verse, and I liked it. heh.
[9] A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.
Deviseth — Proposes what he will do.
Directeth — Over-rules and disposes all his designs and actions.
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